We Are Pirates
by OneInTwain
Summary: Luffy had a dorky little motorbike with a sidecar. Zoro went with him. There was no arguing with the motorbike. An experiment, no pairing. R&R, please!


**If you didn't know...two people now share this account. Hopefully, this does not shatter your reality.**

**This will be very confusing. Let me explain a little before the fic starts. Whenever I write a long-term AU fic, it generally ends up straying back to canon, as far as I can make it. So this is an experiment in that. Luffy and Zoro, two moneyless bums, have a conversation, and then the adventure begins. Luffy senses his innate pirateness. Zoro isn't so sure.**

**Excessive use of fragment sentences and paragraph breaks IS intentional!**

* * *

"I'm a pirate," said Luffy.

"Luffy, there are no pirates," said Zoro, and frowned at him. "Well, not the kind you like."

"Shanks is a pirate."

"Shanks is gone."

"You're gonna be a pirate with me." _(He didn't hear. He never does.)_

"Luffy, we're supposed to be in college."

"We dropped out."

"We don't have an ocean. Or a boat. Or a crew."

"Me and you. For now."

Luffy had a dorky little motorbike with a sidecar. Zoro went with him. There was no arguing with the motorbike.

They kept traveling whenever, through whatever. Sometimes it rained. Sometimes it rained so hard that the fresh black asphalt turned into a frothing river.

On the fourth night, a cop caught them. He was a weird cop, with dark skin and shaved blonde hair. And axes for hands. He had a son, or something like one, and the scrawny kid was holding three swords.

Zoro said he got hungry and tired looking at them, which was probably why the big axe-guy managed to get the handcuffs on him. Even so, it didn't take long for Luffy and his grudging pirate comrade to beat them. And Luffy handed Zoro the three swords.

"They're yours."

"Yes," said Zoro, and smiled the Demon Hunter's smile. "Yeah, they are."

On the fifth day, Luffy started to stretch. Like rubber. It was impossible.

On the sixth day, the stretching was under control and Luffy told a story about a weird purple fruit that he had eaten yesterday _and_ when he was a very small kid _and _a very, very long time ago. All at the same time.

Zoro thought vaguely that this was just a little bit too strange.

The boss of the girl working at the gas station said he was a clown, but he said he was a pirate too.

Zoro said later, looking down at the twitching unicyclist, that he distinctly did _not _remember shouting that. And then he coughed blood.

"I guess you really wanted a rice dumpling," said Luffy.

Nami had a compass. She wouldn't sell it to them.

They bought another sidecar.

The lying boy lived in a beach house. That's what he told them, anyway, before they found out that he was _The lying boy_.

His _certainly-not-a-girlfriend_'s butler said he was a pirate. Zoro wondered whether they'd stumbled onto some sort of secret society. The lying boy, whose name was Usopp, turned out to be a sharpshooter. His father, apparently, used to know Luffy, even though Luffy had never met the guy. And yet Luffy _remembered_him, so Zoro let it be.

They beat the butler/pirate.

The trailer was a suprise. There was a carved sheep's head ornament on the front.

"Don't try to sit on this one," said Zoro, not wondering why he said it.

Luffy didn't listen.

---

"We're pirates now, aren't we?" Zoro sighed.

"Of course!' said Luffy.

"Don't be stupid," said Nami.

Luffy wanted to name the trailer. They all decided on the same name at the same time.

Some days were normal. Other times, things smelled like salt. Luffy sat on the moving vehicle's roof, staring curiously up at the flag hoisted over the trailer as though he was trying to remember something.

Zoro lifted weights. It helped.

One day, they ran into the two guys who Zoro knew but had never seen before in his life, and they were either bounty hunters or freelance detectives. It was getting harder to tell.

---

They woke up.

Zoro swore later it was cannonfire, but everyone else said they were gunshots--except Luffy, who said he'd heard the water splashing.

There was no water, said Nami, and ran out to start up the engine while everyone else dealt with the cops.

Luffy apologized later about the broken windows.

The owner of the road-side diner was not impressed.

The starving man said he was a pirate.

And this time, when Luffy smelled salt and saw Zoro standing on the broken deck and heard the seawater lapping over the Pirate Hunter's bloody boots, Nami and Usopp thought they knew what he was talking about for a moment.

Sanji thought their trailer was tacky.

"We're pirates, aren't we?" asked Usopp, and Nami sighed and nodded and Zoro rolled his eyes and Luffy ate meat.

"Don't be stupid," said Sanji.

Nami left one day, and she took their trailer. Either her _real_boss was an overzealous actor or he was a fishman. Most of the crew was inclined to go with the latter reality, because most actors, no matter how much blue makeup they wear, can't regrow their viciously sharp teeth.

They moved on.

"Over the mountain," said Luffy. "I'm gonna be the Pirate King."

"That smoking guy is still following us," said Usopp. "Did he turn into smoke?"

"That was your imagination," said Sanji, but he knew it wasn't the truth.

"I'm gonna be the greatest swordsman," said Zoro, on impulse. He had only figured his lifelong ambition a few days ago.

"Map of the world!"

"Great warrior."

"All Blue," said Sanji. He'd never head the words before, but Zef had told him all about it _so many times._

It was a little confusing. They broke open the barrel. Waves crashed around them.  
---

"Was that a dream?"  
"Don't see how it could have been. We're over the mountain, aren't we?"

"Is this a trailer or a boat?"  
"I"m not sure anymore."

---

"We're pirates, aren't we?"

"Yes," said Chopper, who was also impossible.

"I knew it," said Sanji glumly. He was fishing over the sit of the boat/trailer. Every since the road leading up over the mountain had turned into an ocean, it had started happening more and more often.

---

"There are many criminals on the Grand Highway," said the Crocodile guy.

"Grand Line. Pirates," said Luffy.

"That's what I said." And the former police officer--or possibly Shichibukai--attacked again, with that stupid golden hook which was very definitely not a cop's weapon.

Luffy didn't like the Crocodile guy. He acted on it.

---

Robin remembered Ohara. She hadn't before. It was worrying.

The Sky Island was impossible. They went there, after Luffy punched the hyena dude who was--no denying it--probably not a punk rocker.

_Skypeia High_

Wyper didn't understand exactly _why_these crazy people were trying to ring the school bell. he just knew he had to get ther before them.

Oh, and kill the principal.

---

"High school!"

"Jungle sky island!"

"_HIgh school!_"

"Sky island jungle!"

"_High school_, you stretchy brat!"  
"Island jungle sky, you wing-bastard-ossan!"

---

The floor kept going soft and white, and the really _weird_ thing was that his roller skates seemed to work better on the fluffy white stuff than on the tile.

All he knew _now _was that he had to destroy the beanstalk. _Staircase_.

---

"Why do you call him 'captain'?" he gasped, staring at his throbbing hand--impact dial, bomb. _Impact dial, bomb_.

Impact dial?

Reject dial.

Of course.

"Because," sadi Zoro, swords hanging limp from his scorched hands, "we are pirates."  
"That's right," said Chopper.

"Don't be foolish," said Robin, and smiled. But she wasn't quite sure.

---

The school bell rang. It didn't sound like one. Wyper listened in awe to the deep, rolling shiver of sound, and thought, _We're going to have a huge party tonight._

They did.

It was quite epic.

---

"Did he just say 'Foxy _Pirates_'?"

"Yes,"

"Awesome! Let's do it!"

---

They walked into the city of water.

"We're pirates, aren't we?" murmured Robin.

"Yep!" said Chopper happily, and Sanji nodded resignedly.

They fought. Luffy won.

Their trailer/boat cried.

---

Sometimes, it was a huge police office. But it was too incredibly massive for that reality to last long.

Robin wanted to live.

Later, they lay on the deck of the Thousand Sunny, staring up at the sky.

"We're pirates," Fanky stated.

"I know," said Luffy. "Why?"

"I don't know."

"I had a weird dream about us," said Zoro, half-asleep. "Merry was a trailer."

"What's a trailer?" asked Luffy.

"I don't remember."

"I'm tired."

"I"m going to sleep," said Zoro.

He did.

Later, they met a talking skeleton.

The rest, as they say, was history.

* * *

**And now you're all just staring at your computer screens.**

**_"....Whaaaa...?"_**

**Yes, I feel the same way. It's not as confusing as AG1's stories, yes? **

**~AG2**


End file.
